me

Im going through one of those stupid teenage depressions right now. I kinda hate my self too. I just don't feel I'm anything to be proud of ; no job, hate school; dont really do anything that great.
I also have to actually make up my mind about the future now. meant to start uni applications about now, and i have no clue what to do. Maybe im just kidding my self on that i should go to uni. Mum doesn't want me to go and says she wont pay cos I'll fail anyway. Gap year sounds good, but im worried i'll waste my cash on doing nothing. I really really really dont have a fucking clue what im doing with my self right now.



Has everyone seen these from when i was staying at Tanias in london? A few are on my facebook. I'll up load the rest later


best time of my life! I wish I was there and not having to think about my future.

I just looked through my friends list and it actually made me hurt inside? cos so many of those people played such a large role in my life have now disappeared from it. so strange how people come and go. fucking internet. god.
who still uses LJ? I know elli does, and chloe cos i just checked my friends journal. That seems about it !

christ
i last updated this in 2008, january 10th.
i must try actually update more often.
god.

the decemeberists are now my favourite band. Like I listened to them aaaaaaages ago (even before G I think) but only one or two songs and never thought about them. So I'd say atm, my fav bands are

Band of horses
voxtrot
the decemeberists
tilly and the wall
rilo kiley
postal service

(Y)

schools crap, though I'm trying to work hard its hard hard hard and boring as hell!! Trying to stay in school too, which is gay. Also, quit smoking so I'm like blah most of the time, and I'm trying not to drink, Which is hard as I became a semi alcoholic last week over new year etc. I'm not even joking. I dunno if I even have a liver anymore LOL.

Chub on saturday which is cool! Lots of pix of course!! I hope im not well, theres some gay bug going around atm and I'll get it, tonight or tomorrow night or satuday and not be able to go. I swear to god my life works like that!!!!!!

(:



























Back at shcool today. Got moved up in maths!! (Y) yay

I never did post my new year ressies, though I started typing them up.

anyway. bascially they are the same as every year ; EXERCISE, EAT HEALTHY , WORK HARD. AND UPDATE LJ!!!! HAHA.

Not that I'll stick to them, though I do want to .

Today I went to the massive grave yard in town. The minute we stepped out the car it started to pish and got heavier as we walked through. Then it stopped and the sun was massive and the clouds were masssssssssssssive. So got some nice pix!


SEEING CHUB ON SATURDAY!! yay.


school tomorrow and Im so tired. How the fuck am i going to get up I wonder? cos I'e not woken up before 1 this hols or gone to bed before about 3. ahahha. fuck =/

HAPY BFUCKIN NEW YEAR EVERONE.

pure party at miens ACTUAL RAVE

I still love horses. Though I admit I'm hiding all my feelings at present. Models are away, books are away, I don't go riding, nor talk about them and my heart aches when I see one. Every birthday and Christmas I asked for one, every single one. And all through out the year. But not now. Its just an acceptance I think. I know I'm never going to get one, so I'm trying to not think about them. I see kids at horseshows during photography and it makes me so sad and sometimes I have to look away and fight back tears. These kids just don't appreciate what they have and tbh I think that makes me marginally more angry than not having one my self.

Maybe its just growing up? Or maybe I just don't see the point of trying to keep my interests raging and by focusing on something else such as photography/social I can try and hide my feelings. My heart still races at the thought of riding but my riding career seems full of disappointments too. All my favourite ponies have been sold,died, riding schools shut, moved away from my favourite place to ride, Chub being sold , Tommy incidents and the RDA problems. Maybe I'm cursed? Lol. Then I have to remember my times at CasteHill and they never cease to bring a smile to my face.

I had a horsey dream last night, maybe becuase I was playing Pippa Funnel on Beths Wii (:D) and it involved Lou and someone else, and both had ponies. hmm. I was desperate for them to hurry up and tack up so I could have a ride too, and take photos.
The other part involved Cailean, who was being a cunt. He was shouting abuse which made me cry and it was all very confusing and upsetting.


haha, my mates got caught drinking and are all in deeep shit, so I'm hiding all their booze (litres of vodka) in my room.

Right v. depressed post. But yeh. there we go.

I got dumped


wait for it

via text

AHAHAHAHAH

god its been a while innit.

OLYMPIA TOMOZ!!

I was soo drunk today, a bottle of lambrini and vodka and lots of gin. We popped into school and that was a good day.

Must update more